


like a champ

by showyourbones



Series: BOOM [2]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: F/M, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-28
Updated: 2015-03-28
Packaged: 2018-03-20 00:20:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3629670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/showyourbones/pseuds/showyourbones
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>tao is drunk. sehun is annoyed. warnings in notes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	like a champ

**Author's Note:**

> self harm and mental health issues will be dealt with as is my wont for lots of "fanfic" i "write."

“You are drunk, Zitao Huang,” Sehun says, her voice octaves lower than it usually is because she was woken up by her phone’s intense vibrations--when she tried to ignore that it was the banging on her front door then Tao’s frequent Shixuns. She’s standing in her hallway in her old pajamas and looking at her boyfriend like he’s lost his fucking mind. Which clearly he has. Thankfully Minseok is out with her boyfriend so she’ll miss her judgemental stares and her looks that said everything for her. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispers then giggles. “Fuck. I’m super drunk. I messaged you like ten times!” He grabs her hips and pushes her back into her apartment then kicks the door shut. “Then I called you. I know that’s obsessive.”

“I was sleeping!” She hisses when he pulls her close to his chest to nose at her cheek. “Ugh. No. No. We are not doing this right now. Drink some fucking water and eat if you can,” she demands, walking away. 

She goes to her tiny kitchen to rummage through her fridge, getting out a bottle of water and the char siu she kept for him when they got takeout and he forgot to bring it back home. She goes through her cabinets to get out his favorite chips, too. She goes by the couch where he’s sitting, one leg propped up, and drops everything on the coffee table in front of him. 

“Eat,” she snaps and rolls her eyes when he taps the seat next to him. 

“Oh you saved the char siu for me?” he asks when she sits next to him, careful to keep a bit of distance between them because. Because Sehun is irritated. It is 2AM, she had opted to stay in tonight because she’s been pretty stressed with her job(s) and thinking about her future. She knows she tends to isolate when she feels intense pressure and stress and she knows her friends, family, and especially Tao feel it. He would probably understand her feelings the most but she thinks everything that she feels is so inconsequential next to him, next to anything. 

She’s been sure to make time for him because it’s Tao but she needs all the rest she can get. Or maybe she just thinks she does (she probably just thinks she does.) Tao’s got the metal chopsticks (something he prefers to eat this with) she pulled out in his mouth when he looks at her. “I’m sorry,” he apologizes softly. “I really wanted to see you. Being loud probably was not the best way. I do stupid shit when I’m drunk, horny, and hungry.” He places the chopsticks down to move closer to Sehun who still hasn’t said a word but gives him a small smile so he knows it’s ok to move closer.

“It’s ok,” she replies after a minute or so. 

“I know you’ve been having a tough time for a bit,” he says. “I wish I could help you in some way but I am always here for you, you know? Even when I’m really drunk. I’m so sorry it was stupid to make so much noise.” Sehun nods and Tao smiles then begins to stroke her hair, something that soothes her when she’s in hyper-mode. 

“You know what would make me feel better?” she moves to face him on the couch, sitting cross legged. He hmms and scrunches up his face because no doubt her movement was a little too fast for him and he is drunk lest she forget. “Can you show me that video you made of yourself?” 

“The one I made for you? Of me jacking off? You didn’t save it?” He gasps, completely seriously, horrified at the prospect of an intense video of him masturbating not getting saved onto her harddrive. And it totally was on her harddrive. He is such a fucking freak, Sehun thinks, rolling her eyes.

“Of course I saved it,” she giggles. “The one where,” and she can barely keep a straight face and say it without cracking up, “you’re in your kitchen? Room? You were like 20 and you’re like having a photoshoot? You’re….you look so stupid oh my god it’s so embarrassing!”

“I’m only letting you make fun of me right now and mention that because you have not been happy,” he grumbles but he’s laughing too. “It’s amazing I got anyone to even kiss me. Well, not with this face but you know.” 

“No I do not know,” she replies but she’s still giggling too. “I think when I saw that was when I knew.” 

“Knew what?” 

“That I am actually cool!” She exclaims then bursts into another fit of laughter.  
\--

Her tiny bed just barely fits the two of them because they’re both overgrown adults, physically at least. It’s decent for fucking in but...like anyone can get creative for fucking. When it’s the two of them for sleeping it’s cramped. Tao loves the cramped feeling, she knows, because that’s just the way he is. The closer he can be to her the happier he feels, the more secure he feels. Sehun loves Tao so she guesses by proxy also loves the cramped feeling. But she prefers his nice rich spoiled brat bed in his nice rich spoiled brat apartment. 

Sehun is checking her phone on her bed, waiting for Tao to finish washing up in the bathroom. Her first instinct is to be lazy and do nothing, then feel guilty for being lazy and doing nothing, then ask if he needs help but a drunk Tao is a bizarre Tao. He complains that she’s taking too long to help him and gets so antsy. Usually she’s drunk with him so there’s nothing she can do to help him except watch him fling his clothes off because, “I’m going to die if these jeans stay on me one more second!” 

He comes into her room, makeup free in his black briefs, and goes through one of her (their?) drawers for a shirt. She knows in two seconds he’s going to give up out of frustration so she waits. Like clockwork…

“Ugh!” he groans and flops down on the bed. She blinks down at him, she’s still taciturn and she knows it but she knows he understands. He gives her as long as she needs. She thinks he will always give her as long as she needs or as long as he will put up with it. She feels his hand rubbing at one of her ankles, running lazy circles around the bone. 

“Ah, that reminds me. Did you put the vitamin e oil on?” She sighs when he shakes his head no. She sees the oil on the nightstand and grabs it, tries to maneuver him over on his back so she can get to her first spot. “Are you going to be difficult about this?” 

“You know how I am when I’m drunk!” he whines and pouts. 

“That’s not what I meant,” she says, pulling up his shirt to reveal his stomach. The scars there are faint, getting fainter everyday when they remember to apply the oil, but they are there. She remembers the first time she saw it and it didn’t register the way it should have but after she didn’t know how to bring it up. 

“Yea, sorry I am not a huge fan of my girlfriend applying scar fading oil to my self mutilation reminders,” he mumbled. “You have to see it, that’s enough.”

Tao was not shy about his body, about himself, or about much. Shame was very rarely in his vocabulary; it made it easy for him to make stupid videos of himself when he was 20 or videos of himself masturbating, fingering himself, doing anything he knows the person he is with would like (well, Sehun. It’s always for her, she thinks.) But he was shameful about his actions, the painful parts of his struggles, and how they manifested physically. Maybe Sehun would never understand this part but she would remind him there’s nothing to be ashamed of constantly. His scars are him like all the other parts, take it or leave it. 

“I love you so much. I don’t care. No one else should either and you should always remind them,” she says softly, caressing the oil into his stomach. 

“I’d never be able to do something like this for you.”

“Why are we talking in hypotheticals?” She pulls his shirt down. Next: thighs. She rolls one brief pant leg up and begins the application there. These are more angry, scar tissue accumulated and red. The more painful they are, the more it hurts her for him. 

“It’s just like, just because I have all these problems it doesn’t mean yours don’t matter, you know? It’s like pulling teeth to get it out of you. Do you forget how similar we are? I know it’s not because you don’t trust me but because you feel like when you’re really stressed or something it’s not important and...or...it will be a burden to me. Didn’t you tell me you signed up for me? Well, I signed up for you too,” he gasps when he finishes like he’s surprised he said anything or had that much to say at all. Sehun’s hand stops. 

“I’m tired, Tao. I don’t even want to think about it, I just want to sleep most of the time, you know. I’m thinking,” she sighs. She keeps going with the oil, moving to his other thigh and it’s a while before she speaks again. “What am I doing next? Is this critique good enough? When the fuck can I quit Au Bon Pain? Am I being a good enough daughter? Sister? Friend? Girlfriend? Are they sick of me? Do they miss me? Does he know that I mean it when I tell him I love him? I don’t want to break up ever. That scares me. Does it mean anything right now? What the fuck am I doing?” 

Sehun moves to the scars on his ankles. She can feel his eyes on her boring into the back of her skull. “He knows I worry about him. I hope they don’t leave me. What have I done wrong recently? I want to fix whatever I have broken. That’s what I worry about, Tao.”

They’re quiet until she finishes, capping the bottle and putting it back on her nightstand. She hugs her legs closer to her chest and looks down at Tao who is still staring at her. He’s more sober so his eyes aren’t as glassy and he’s pouting a bit. She scoffs and shrugs. She wants to crack a joke really badly but he would probably get upset and she figures it’s for the best. He’s trying (always trying.) She...she tries in return. 

“Tomorrow why don’t we figure a lot of it out?” he asks finally. “Just piece by piece so you won’t be as anxious. About your future.”

“Ugh,” she frowns. “I don’t want to.”

“I know baby but we should,” he whispers. He sits up by the headboard and pulls her by the ankle so she crawls towards him then leans her back against his chest. He kisses her cheek softly, then her jaw, then her neck giving her a little bite. “So, are you saying you want to be together forever?”

“Those words would literally never came out of my mouth,” she rolls her eyes. 

“They’re coming out of mine!”

“Yea, it’s you?” she teases. “I just. Ugh, I want to cringe. I love you more than most things. That’s so intense? I don’t know.”

“But you know I love you more than most things, too?”


End file.
